I’m not perfect.
What a horrible realization for an only child and young bride.
Marriage quickly brought my blemishes to the surface. My sweet man had always made me feel like I was God’s great gift to him. But as we embarked on our new life together, it quickly became clear that I was in need of his unending grace and forgiveness. And not the unwavering worship, praise and gratitude I had thought I deserved.
The bigger shock has been that each year reveals more and more of my imperfections. I had hoped that all those blemishes I encountered at first were just for lack of experience. Surely, I would be proved the perfect wife after a year or two of practice. But instead, each year, my faults continue to grow in number.
I’m hopelessly flawed. I’m a construction zone, permanently under remodel, as my gracious God demolishes my old, sinful self, replacing it with a new, more Christ-like creation.
My husband is forced to live with a constant cloud of dust. All this hammering and sawing and smashing down walls, as the Lord does His reforming work on my heart and soul. Re-fashioning his broken down, fixer-upper of a wife.
I feel sorry for him and frustrated with myself, wishing the cones and detour signs could come down once and for all. I wish that I might finally be free of this holy construction crew. Wish that I might appear from behind the curtain as a perfect woman, remade in some fantastic “before & after.” Like Extreme Home Makeover, with tears and cheers and a glorious climactic reveal, shouting “Move. That. BUS!”
But that’s a foolish fantasy. I’m a hopeless work-in-progress until the end of my days on this earth, when I will emerge in the next world, perfect in His sight.
Until that day, my poor, sweet husband must live with this wife-in-progress. But then again, I must do the same for him. I guess that’s what marriage is. Side-stepping one another’s potholes, coughing on dust before it settles. Living in a constant construction zone in my heart and my husband’s as God remakes us individually and remodels us together. Taking two sinners “before” and making us one perfect, Christ-like union “after.” A life-long heart makeover.
Knowing the skill of the Contractor & Designer in charge, I can’t wait to see how the two of us will turn out in the end, the likes of which HGTV has never seen. Until then, I’ll find joy and hope my life spent with a heart under constant remodel. Recognizing that the never-ending construction means I have a faithful God who won’t leave me as I am. Confident that “He who began a good work in [me & my husband] will carry it on until completion, until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 (NIV)