You guys. All I want in life is grocery carts in the parking lot. Not just for myself. For every mom in America.
Sisters, can we PLEASE rise together and MAKE THIS HAPPEN?!
I realize there are bigger problems in the world, whatever, whatever. Here’s the thing: I’m going to lose my ever-loving mind if I arrive in the Target parking lot with my 3 small children and pull up next to an EMPTY cart corral ONE.MORE.TIME.
I load my kids in their car seats which is pretty much my WOD. I, then, make my way to Target and ready myself for the nonsense that is about to ensue. Because I have identical twins. And I’m going to Target. This means that I have to be INSANELY friendly for the entire shopping trip. Like, Olympic-level friendly.
Everyone this side of the Mississippi is going to stop and gape at my twins for having the same adorable face as one another. And they are going to ask me all of the questions they have ever wondered about twins. I am dealing with these very kind, well-meaning people with twin toddler biological clocks ticking down to Shopping Induced Implosion, all while trying to throw maxi-pads and Cheerios in the cart as quickly as humanly possible.
This is what is about to occur, so I mentally prepare.
I pull into the parking lot (anticipating the Olympic-level friendliness required of me) to discover that there are no carts in the cart corral. In ANY cart corral. Sometimes I take a little trip through the parking lot aisles, willing to walk all the way from Famous Footwear if it means I can put my children in some lone abandoned cart. No such luck.
It is a barren wasteland of White Toyota Siennas as far as the eye can see but not one single shopping cart to be found.
How hard is this? It cannot possibly be that hard to train the teen cart collectors to leave a few carts in the corral for haggard moms. FOR REAL.
Especially the carts that seat 2-3 children. Those are like unicorns, man. On two separate occasions, I was lucky enough to find a 3 seater cart out in the parking lot, and both times, I danced around like Grandpa Joe when Charlie found his golden ticket. Best two days of my life.
The carts don’t even need to be in the corrals. I’ll take illegally parked shopping carts rudely littering the lot, left behind by “lazy” shoppers who couldn’t be bothered to return them to their lawful home.
Thank you, Lazy Shoppers, of whom I am one. Thank you for leaving a glorious welcome present for me upon my arrival at Target.
I realize that the likes of Matt Walsh (and probably my husband) are fuming over your habit of leaving carts strewn willy-nilly across the pavement. But I thank you, good sir (or madam). You have saved me many a toddler tantrum by allowing me to load my children DIRECTLY into the cart from their car seats. You have saved my children from possible demise when they either: 1) nearly get struck by a car by attempting to run away from me in the parking lot, or 2) incur my FURY by attempting to run away from me in the parking lot. You have saved sweat and tears and probable psychoses due to a lack of parking lot shopping carts.
Thank you, Lazy Shoppers, who do not park your carts in the “appropriate” manner. I tip my hat to you.
Now for the teen cart collectors. Someone needs to send them a memo. Or text or Snapchat or whatever the kids nowadays are into. Someone somewhere needs to realize that moms of little ones are in a parking lot pickle. Just one of the many mathematical equations that mom must calculate on a daily basis, like being stuck with a lifetime of High School word problems with no effective solution.
- A mom arrives at Target with no carts in sight, and she has a toddler and twin infants (you know, let’s just say). The twin infants do not walk because they are infants. How does the mom safely shepherd her toddler hundreds of feet to the store’s entrance with a purse on her shoulder, a toddler holding her hand, and two heavy infants, one on each hip?
- A mom arrives at Target with no carts in sight, and this time, she has a preschooler and twin toddlers (LET’S JUST SAY). The twins do not like to hold hands and very much enjoy their freedom. Once they have set their little feet on God’s green earth, they absolutely refuse to be buckled into a shopping cart. How does the mom avoid complete toddler nuclear meltdown without a cart in sight?
In both of these situations, the mom could leave her children locked SAFELY in the car while she RUNS LIKE THE WIND to retrieve a cart. But. Most likely some do-gooder will call CPS when they discover the kids locked in the car. Because of course.
She can drive in circles until she sees someone with a cart and scream at them to NOT PARK THAT CART!
She can rant online in order to link arms with her sisters who have been in this exact same predicament with their own brood. At least once per week.
Friends. Is this really too much to ask in life? Just leave a few carts in the freakin’ car corral! I might even spend more money inside because I’m having a golden ticket kinda day. How fancy am I right now? What with a triple shopping cart easily accessible from my car! No toddler screaming. No parking lot safety battles. No pit stains or blood pressure raised. A fully chill trip to Target with THREE kids in ONE super CONVENIENT cart.
Seriously. That’s all I want.