There is a new mental illness on the horizon. It’s striking homes across America. Chances are, you know a mom who is silently (or not-so-silently) suffering from… Naptime Rage Disorder (NRD).
Friends. This is a thing. If you are a mom of young children, you know that it is all too real.
There haven’t been any studies done yet, but I venture to say that 113% of mothers suffer from Naptime Rage Disorder at some point in their lives. THE RAGE IS REAL.
There are many scenarios that trigger this condition.
Perhaps you have a newborn that won’t sleep anywhere except your chest for MONTHS. You finally get him to sleep in his bed. You finally have a full week of freedom from naptime slavery. Then suddenly it stops. Out of nowhere. You have done nothing different, screwed nothing up. He just decides, “HECK NO! I want my mom to hold me all day long FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! Sleeping by myself is for the birds!”
You for SURE have Naptime Rage.
Or maybe, let’s just say, you have toddler twins, who have been good nappers for most of their little lives, but have recently decided they would rather run around their room, throw dolls at one another, sing songs loudly, and generally engage in merriment, rather than sleep during naptime. In a dark cozy room. In their super comfy PJs. With white noise on. (I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING for someone to force me to sleep in a dark cozy room in super comfy PJs with white noise on. GO TO SLEEP!
DEFINITELY suffering from NRD.
The list goes on and on. There are any number of circumstances and situations where children protest to luxurious, delicious naptime while their mothers descend into madness.
The instances of NRD seem to rise dramatically among mothers whose children once napped well then suddenly did not. These kids know how to nap, you’ve seen them do it, they just won’t anymore. And now they are stealing your precious Netflix and chill time with their tomfoolery.
I’d like to break the silence and stand up for the sufferers of this debilitating condition. We can RISE FROM THE ASHES, SISTERS! But first, we must recognize our illness and unite in community and comfort.
In my years of struggling with NRD, I have noticed 5 distinct stages…
The 5 Stages of Naptime Rage Disorder
You put your child(ren) down for a nap. You engage in all the standard naptime hocus pocus to appease the toddler gods. Room dark. White noise on. Dollies, teddies, blankies, binkies, lovies, cozies, etc. in place. All the sacrifices of dignity have been made. You tip toe out of the room and pray to the lovely Lord Jesus.
Then you begin to fixate. On the video monitor.
Oh, the hypnotizing powers of the video monitor.
Friends. I’m 99% sure that 150% of my grey hairs are directly related to video monitor induced madness. It’s an emotional roller coaster and horribly mesmerizing.
We lose absolutely all ability to move on with our lives while staring at that thing, watching our children jump and play and sing and roll around for hours on end, all the while trying to convince them with secret messages emanating from our eyeballs, “Go to sleep! GO TO SLEEP!” To no avail.
2. Initial Action
You simply cannot take any more of this video monitor nonsense, so you storm into their bedroom. You want to be firm but kind. You’re definitely frustrated but still able to push your feelings aside and enforce naptime with some self-control intact. For the moment.
Get into bed. Calm down. I mean business. None of these shenanigans. Look at my stern face. I have a super stern face. The sternest of all the stern faces. This is a serious mom doing serious business with the sternest stern face of all of the stern mom faces.
You return downstairs, determined not to be taken down by these toddlers or this freakin’ video monitor. Get BEHIND ME, Summer Infant!
You decide to rise above. You begin a project. In fact, you are so holy and so certain of the napping that is happening, that you open your Bible. As if to say, See! See how I rise above! I’m studying God’s Word because there will be sleeping with provigil , and I will be calmly focused on my Jesus.
Then you hear the movement.
Determined not to get drawn into the horrible gaze of the monitor, you give it a quick glance to see the sounds were merely rolling around. That’s fine. Perfectly understandable. Roll to your heart’s content, crazies. You return to the Word of the Lord.
Now they are sitting up. They are on the verge of full on disobedience. Eve is noticing the fruit and the Enemy is whispering in her ear. “Just stand up. Get out of bed. Run around the room. Mom’s not here. Did she really say go to sleep?”
YES! YES, SHE DID! BE SILENT SATAN!! SLEEP, TODDLERS, SLEEP!
You are now staring wide-eyed at your Bible study homework willing yourself to understand the sentence you’ve read 75 times.
You grab the video monitor and whip it in front of your face with fury. Standing up. BOLDLY STANDING UP. And.getting.out.of.bed.
4. Silent Fury
You storm back to their room and whip open the door. You speak in a low, monotone, emotionless growl. The rumbling, coldness in your voice is startling. You are beyond serious. You are beyond stern. This is a woman about to boil over. You are seething, barely containing your emotions as you dole out your discipline.
Stay.in.bed. A face of cold fury. Icy lasers shoot from your eyes. There better be some FREAKIN’ SLUMBER.
5. Full on Rage
You return downstairs. Determined to chill with Netflix if it KILLS YOU. (You guys. WHAT IS GOING ON?! I have spent HOURS on this insanity and watched absolutely ZERO EPISODES of Dr. Who.)
You reach for the remote. You have now repeated stages 2-4 approximately 175 times and watched your precious alone time slowly ticking away. Then you hear it…
There are sounds of laughter and play and genuine GLEE emanating from their room. AGAIN.
Steam shoots out your ears, and you completely blow your top. You get hot and shaky and turn red in the face. You are officially a cartoon character, like a real live one, with steam and red face and crazy eyes.
You text your husband, inquiring after the application process for selling one’s children to the circus.
Does this sound familiar?
You are not alone, sister. Please stand up and share your voice. Without advocacy and education for this condition, no cure will be found. Millions of women will be forced to continue their daily battle with naptime rage on their own, as their hair slowly falls out and they develop a noticeable twitch. Bald twitching women will flood the streets and all we will say, “Naptime Rage Disorder Strikes again.”
Don’t be another statistic in the fight again NRD. Stand up and raise awareness. Say it with me. THE RAGE IS REAL.