An Open Letter To God…
Hi there,
Thanks for the 2 x 4 across the head. I know you know me better than I know myself. Which means I most definitely needed a good crack upside the cranium to get this one through my thick skull.
I wish I could say this will be the one and only time You have to teach me this lesson. But we both know I’m too weak for that. I’m sure I’ll sink back into old habits all too soon, but maybe, just maybe it’ll sink in a little deeper this time. I might really live it by my 90th birthday. One can dream, right?
This weekend, I had the opportunity to attend an amazing conference, Re:Write 2012. Over and over, I heard the same heart, the same message, from each amazing speaker.
Do what you are called to do for the One who called you to do it.
MaryDeMuth – “Settle your worth in the sovereignty of God.”
Jim Henderson, Peter Strople, Paul Young, Joel Clark, and on and on.
Ok. I get it. If I have any words at all, to speak, to write. If I have any strength at all, to do anything in this world. You gave it all to me. It’s all Yours to use as You will, where You will, when You will.
Why should I care what other people think? What do they have to do with my gifts, my assignment?
You know this one’s really tough for me. You’ve been hammering it in, again and again. Everywhere I turned this week, Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), my church’s sermon, the steady beat of Your words repeating.
In the Genesis account, I learned, again, You are the source of all life. You are the source of all purpose. You are the source of all work and talent and calling.
All I do is from You and should be done for “the applause of nail scarred hands, and nobody else’s.”
This is so very hard for me. With a theater and performance background, my ego has been watered by the applause of a crowd for most of my life. My love language is even words of affirmation!
Seriously?! You created me! You know this need! Why can’t I strive to fill it?
Seriously?! You created me! You know this need! Why can’t I strive to fill it?
What’s so wrong with a little appreciation and recognition once in a blue-freakin’-moon?
(Every stay-at-home mom will tell you… once a blue-freakin’-moon is about all we get.)
What You drove home this week is not that receiving the world’s recognition is wrong, but that I have been deaf to Your recognition… just listening sadly, bitterly, to the silence of the world. It’s like I put on noise-cancelling head phones. I’m just waiting for the music to start, the sweet music of worldly acclaim, all the while You are out there encouraging me for deeds unseen by others.
In the shadow of the world’s silence, I slowly lose my resolve to continue with these tasks unseen.
I feel a sadness in my soul as I labor unnoticed, so I turn away from what You would have me do. I long to take up tasks that will garner more honor and renown. Staying home, faithfully serving my family, writing in obscurity, these begin to weigh heavily on me. What am I doing all this for anyway? Nobody seems to care. Why even bother.
So now I get it. I hear you loud and clear.
You care. You care very much about my secret obedience.
You have me where You want me, doing what You desire me to do.
I’ll do my best to keep the headphones off. To train my ear on Your applause, not await the applause of the world. After all, You gave me this assignment.
The world may not care about the loads of laundry and little known blog posts. The dishes and diapers and dinners. But You do. You care a great deal.
I pray that I can continue obeying Your instructions, regardless of the lack of earthly glamour and praise.
In my yogurt-stained yoga pants, I quietly labor for your glory.
With my greasy ponytail, I clean my home during nap time and type these words, unbeknownst to most.
In secret, I serve You.
Training my ears on just One voice of approval, One pair of nail scarred hands applauding my obedience.
All else is silence.
This is so good, Marie! The conference was amazing, and I did not expect to hear God speaking to me throughout. God was literally speaking to me through many of the speakers. Really thankful to have been a part of it all.
Also, I wanted to know if you’d be willing to write a post on marriage for a series I’m doing with a blogging friend. It probably wouldn’t be until the end of Oct., but I can put you in the line-up if you’re interested. If you want to hear more about it, let me know 🙂 There’s actually a post up from Steven at my place today if you want to see what it’s about. There’s a little blurb at the top about what we’re doing . . .
I’d love to! Let me know the details: deadline, word count, etc. You can e-mail me at mrsmarieosborne(at)gmail.com
Oh my goodness, Marie! I am so glad I found your blog and read this entry. Amen and amen, sister. I want to copy and paste and share and let this truth sink in so deep too. Looking forward to following your journey here!
Camie! I’m so glad to find YOU here! How are your sweet twins?
thank you marie, I LOVE your blogs, your vulnerabililty and of course your sense of humor
i struggle with this on a nearly daily basis. i want, above all else, to know that God is pleased with me, happy with me, on my side. yet when i doubt this to be true, i begin to look for affirmation, applause, in all the wrong places.
thanks for the honesty. knowing i’m not alone in my struggle is an immeasurable comfort.
be well, and
peace – s.
Oh Cathy! Thank you so much. I LOVE you, Mrs. Chan.
Steven, knowing I’m not along is a comfort to me as well. Thanks for joining me out on this limb.
Love this. Great words! Thanks for the reminder that our writing is done out of obedience. Love Ken’s quote! “Let’s be honest. The Person who really sells books is the Lord.” So great!
Love this. Great words! Thanks for the reminder that our writing is done out of obedience. Love Ken’s quote! “Let’s be honest. The Person who really sells books is the Lord.” So great!
Thanks, Ruth. Trying to stay obedient and give Him control. So to join a community of writers trying to do the same. Go ReWrite!
This brought tears to my eyes. Right out of my own heart! Precious words. I am so thankful I found your blog. So nice to meet kindred spirits if even thru the internet. I love this. Thank you for writing and your obiedience to the Lord. May we all be better mothers than bloggers and write to an audience of One.
This is BEAUTIFUL! I’m tearing up! And yeah, I did just stumble on this via facebook stalkage 😉
HA! Always excited to be found. Even from Facebook stalkage.
My sweet, sweet, loving sister in love/law/ Christ sent me this link at JUST the right time. I love you Jesus, Tree and blogger. It is well with my soul. Toby Thomas